What Makes You Feel Beautiful?

Beauty: \ˈbyü-tē\ noun. The quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit.*

The word beauty is such a crazy diverse word. It can have multiple meanings; some meanings are so deep I doubt Merriam-Webster could accurately describe. Beauty can be found in random acts of kindness all the way to the million dollar runway dress. What I want to know is what makes you feel beautiful? I'll go first.


As most of you know, I am a 26 year old wife and mother of two beautiful children ages 8 and 5. Growing up, I wasn't the most popular pretty girl in school. In fact, I was the weird chick who made good grades without studying, wore heavy black raccoon eyeliner and listened to bands like Marylin Manson, Job for a Cowboy and Metallica. I had few friends but I can play some badass toons on my flute! Haha! I found the love of my life at the age of 17. I became pregnant and had my first child at the age of 18. Right after high school I moved to Las Vegas and had my second child. I worked at Paris/Ballys Casino as a Table Games Dealer. The girls I would see on the Strip were absolutely gorgeous. They were thin with big boobs, heavy perfect makeup, smelled of Chanel and wore dresses that you could only find at Neiman Marcus. I strived to be like them. Super envious. There was me, behind the table in a uniform that covered my body head to toe, little to no makeup on, hair in a ponytail, rocking the scent of my BlackJack player's cigarettes. It was then I knew I had to do something. I went out and bought my first Urban Decay eyeshadow palette, eyelashes and perfume. I curled my hair and came back to work a new woman. That lasted about two years until I moved back to Texas.

Bally's Casino, BlackJack, 2010

Bally's Casino, BlackJack, 2010

Austin, TX late 2012

Austin, TX late 2012

Texas girls and Vegas girls are totally opposite. Even with me working on 6th street, I stuck out like a sore thumb. After spending so much time investing in my looks, I had to change again! WTF! "Keep Austin Weird!" they say. So what, do I need to rock my raccoon eyeliner and Emo hair again? No way! I slowly reverted to my old self while keeping the same essence and 'I'm so pretty' attitude of my new self. Didn't work out too well. January 30, 2013 I was in a severe car accident. I broke my jaw in 3 places and cut my ear off. This really took a toll on me. I felt uglier than ever. Due to my mouth being wired shut, I wasn't able to eat solids for 6 weeks. I dropped to 102 lbs. I was a walking skeleton. I felt ugly, worthless, and my mind could not have been in a darker place. I gave up on the entertainment industry and starting working a normal 9-5 job at Ulta. There I met Elizabeth Zimmerman of Torrid Boudoir. I got hired on as her makeup artist and our friendship really kicked off. Watching her, during the photoshoots, really helped boost my moral. Elizabeth is known to take in women who are broken and piece them back together to feel beautiful again. I wanted to feel beautiful again but I didn't have the nerve to be anywhere else but behind the scenes of the shoot. Definitely not in front and center of it. After almost 2 years of working with Elizabeth, she got me in front of the camera. I can literally say, "Elizabeth changed me!" She helped me to see how beautiful I am. How I don't have to put on 20lbs of makeup, a triple padded bra and 7inch stilettos to be beautiful. I can rock my mohawk, gauged ears, tattoos, and child bearing marks while feeling like a beauty queen.

Photocredit: Torrid Boudoir

Photocredit: Torrid Boudoir

Photocredit: Torrid Boudoir

Photocredit: Torrid Boudoir

Photocredit: Torrid Boudoir 

Photocredit: Torrid Boudoir 

I am here today to tell you ladies that you don't need 20lbs of makeup. You don't need to lose the baby weight. You don't need to change who you are to fit someone else's ideal image of beauty. What you need is to believe in yourself. If you don't, find someone who can help you. 

My experience with Torrid Boudoir will forever be life changing. I suggest to all women, every shape and size, every confidence level at whatever place you may be in life, to contact Elizabeth to experience the confidence boost I experienced. Give her the chance to make you feel beautiful again. I guarantee one million percent that it is worth it because YOU ARE WORTH IT!

BE REAL, BE YOU, STAY BEAUTIFUL!